I spent two hours today wondering why my right pinkie toe is swollen and black and blue and hurting. I let all my pent up hypochondria boil over into total panic Here was the process:
I’m dying. No that’s not good enough. I must have diabetes and I’ve stepped on something and now my pinkie toe is infected and this could be awful. No that’s not good enough…by next week my entire leg will be swollen and infected and I won’t be able to walk and I’ll have to GO TO THE DOCTOR!!!!
I let out a moan from my position in bed – where I’ve propped my foot up on my reading pillow and am looking at it with alarm. I moan again. As soon as you enter the room, I hold up my foot and point to my toe.
You say: Ouch! I didn’t think dropping the can on your foot this morning would cause such a nasty bruise.
I say: (remembering this morning’s can incident) Oh no! Is that what it is?
You say: Yes. You’re not dying.
Pffft. That was sooo effin embarrassing. It’s such a relief to know nothing is actually wrong with me 😛 Now where was I?