It’s Going To Be…

so bleeping wonderful I’m not going to be able to stand myself!

When we returned home from toddler-sitting this evening, there was a long awaited email in my inbox. There is a retreat center near here and the sisters (Sisters of Mercy) have approved my 2 week summer retreat. They’d like me to come for an initial two day retreat to determine if I want a spiritual director available this summer and exactly who that might be. And, of course, to see if I even like the place.

OK, let’s get real about this. What’s not to like? You’re in a safe place, you have a private room, three meals a day, some spiritual therapy (I call it)…absolutely NOTHING to do for anyone. All for $85 a day. I can just about taste it but have agreed to the two day advance retreat – in December – just before Christmas. I’ll return in early June to put finishing touches on my poetry collection and then hopefully be publishing soon after that!

Even being retired, it’s not easy to write. Not as easy as I thought it would be when I was working. Each day brings something unexpected. I think that’s one of the worst things – for me. When I am in the middle of writing poetry and I sense I could really do up quite a few poems fairly quickly – that I’d later edit – when I am just at that place during any given day – POW! Something unexpected happens that ends up requiring hours of my time 😦 Sometimes even minutes matter. It’s not like I can find some stopping point when I’m writing a poem because most of my poetry is less that 20 lines with no line having more that 10 words…usually. So it’s not like I can put a postie and return in an hour with the exact same emotions I was having earlier. Sometimes I lose the window when I walk from the kitchen to my computer.

That was THE great part about being single between my divorce and the time I moved out here to be with you. There wasn’t anyone else around when I got home from work or early in the morning. My time was my own. Of course, those exact things have their moments of not being so great…who wants to always be alone in a home or a room or a life?

So yeah. I can’t help myself. I’m just a romantic and I enjoy being in a relationship with you. The other side to that coin is that I want to have my needs totally taken care of sometimes. That would include the need to not have to talk to you or explain why I wasn’t talking to you or explain what it means to want to be totally cared for.

And I think retreat centers have that part pretty well figured out. I’m not talking spas, here 😛 Silence is so pampering and luxurious. I want that. I need that sometimes.  I love you, sweetie.  Sometimes I just need a break from everything.

Ellespeth  ♥

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