In The Shadows – For A Moment

So people are wondering how I am. Where I’ve been. And all that.

I have been sick for about a month. You have too. Each day we compliment each other/ourselves about how much better we are feeling. We’ve had telephone appointments with doctors. We’ve both been using inhalers. We’ve stayed up with each other – late into the night – while fevers ran for hours and broke.
It hasn’t been nice. We haven’t been nice to each other. If this is a clue to how either of us will be, as we age more, it’s not looking positive. I like to be taken care of when I’m sick. You think you know everything and push away anyone who dares try to care for you. You’ve taken good care of me. I feel like I’ve been a post menopausal PMS bitch. Hahaha!
So there wasn’t any way we could win. Sick. Pissed. Feeling older than we really are. We’ll each age a year during the next three months.
I have to renew my drivers license. This time I have to take the written test and bring a form – from my doctor – about my macular degeneration and my 20/200(L) – 20/20(r)vision issue. I’ll walk in – this Thursday afternoon with no appointment. Having an appointment would make me feel like I’m taking some important exam. When I moved here – to California from Louisiana – I flunked the written test twice. When I flunked it the third time the guy asked me a random question. I answered correctly. He passed me. I’m not looking forward to Thursday.
In three weeks I have to have my repeat colonoscopy. Right. I used to word colon in my blog. But ya see…on my first one the doctor removed 13 polyps! So now I have to have a colonoscopy every 5 years – so, so lucky me! The exam really isn’t that awful – they roll you in and put a needle in your arm and next thing you know you’re going home. Now that they found 13 polyps last time – colon polyps aren’t cancer, many of us have them – but, ya know, it’s not having me look forward to the exam.
I’m having to apply for the new Affordable Healthcare. Right off the bat they want some tax forms – cuz our income increased from last year cuz I started drawing social security and we are watching the toddlers more. So you’ve had to do our taxes early and we OWE $$$ !!!
So it’s not a good point in my life. I’m happy to feel positive enough to make a blog post other than a poem. My poetry is suffering. My creative life has become negative. My emotional outlook feels not so good. I want to crawl far away from humanity and just be alone and howling madly until April.
That’s how I’m feeling right now. I’ll try to post poetry. All of this probably seems over bearing because I’m not fully recovered.
At Wits End ~
Ellespeth

2 thoughts on “In The Shadows – For A Moment

  1. My sweet friend, I am so sorry that you and your love have been sick! You will be out of this dip in happiness long before spring, I’m sure. I look forward to happier days and poetry and a good health check up! xoxo

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