This seems like something interesting to share. Maybe …
Thoughts on last evening’s posy blog entry http://wp.me/p37v4b-2ur (now fixed)I’m repeating words too many times:
Late this afternoon/we walked to the market/A grey
and brooding cloud covered sky/had been wind swept into a brilliant blue/ and golden sun afternoon/ And children’s kites looped and played/streaming their tails this way and that/until one floated down/its tail brushing softly against your cheek.
When I’m writing a poem, I don’t like to use the same word too many times. If I’m going to spend time making a poem out of a blob of words, I want every word to count and flow into the next word like a river.
When I woke up this morning, I was very dissatisfied with A Prosey Lovey Posey…not only was the word and in there too many times, but the word posy was misspelled Posey. Out of 43 words, the word and was used 5 times. There seemed to be no way of fixing it. I had coffee and a breakfast of yogurt and granola something. I took out all the ands and switched up grey and brooding. I like how it moves now and how the ends of the lines – as they are laid on the paper – sort of fall into the next lines. There’s still an and in there.
So here’s where the posy is now. I’ve fixed it in the original post too:
A Prosey Lovey Posy
Late this afternoon/we walked to the market/A brooding grey cloud covered sky/had been wind-swept into a brilliant blue/golden sun day/Children’s kites looped and played/streaming this way then that/until one floated down/its tail brushing softly against your cheek.