Snails & Funerals – Fiction

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers on Veteran’s Day. Friday Fictioneers is hosted by Rochelle, and this week’s photo was given  by  J. Hardy Carroll.

Oh good lord!  I’m so sorry.  I’m getting the challenge rules confused 😦  I can’t get my story off the challenge page so…it’s a few words over the limit.  Don’t read it if that upsets you.  Again, I’m sorry. 

It’s 100 words now 😛

Click on the blue frog at the end of this story for this week’s other stories.

Snails & Funerals

We were burying Cousin Irene. She’d wanted to be buried right next to her husband, Saul. They’d had one of those mixed marriages. Irene was a Catholic. Saul wasn’t. Saul was a war hero.

Sissy and I were 6 years old. We were dressed in our best white sundresses. Sissy was fiddling with the newly turned soil covering Cousin Irene’s grave.

“Ewww. What’s that?” Sissy asked. She was pointing to the gravestone.

“Ewww,” I replied. “That’s a slimy old snail.”

“What to do?” Sissy asked.

“Well, like Papa says, it’s not worth cleaning and eating,”  I whispered.

We skipped away.

Ellespeth

20 thoughts on “Snails & Funerals – Fiction

  1. Good story, Ellespeth. I could just see this happening. Kids are easily distracted. How sweet they have no fear. I was also taken to wakes and funerals from an early age, and they didn’t bother me. I had my parents buried in a Catholic cemetery. A priest told me that Masses are said for all buried there no matter what their beliefs. There are many mixed marriages. My mother wasn’t Catholic, but my dad was. Well done. 🙂 — Suzanne

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    • Thanks, Suzanne! I was thinking of being 6 and being with my cousins. We were always so silly. In my family – when I was 6 – 1950’s – one just did not marry outside the Catholic Church without expecting grave consequences from certain family members. Similar to an Amish Shunning I guess.
      Ellespeth

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    • Oh my gawd! I will keep this a secret from my husband. He’s the one who always says this to me whenever I yell out for him to come remove a snail from one of my potted plants.

      Ellespeth

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  2. Word of critique: The “was _____ing” structure adds unnecessary words. Using it less will lower your word count and strengthen the story.

    Loved the image of little girls casually playing at a funeral, as children will do.

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    • ahhh. Yes! I see that now. I will re-work this in my outline. Thanks for pointing that out.

      I preferred the playful image over the two girls crying over their father’s grave. And, I was feeling playful 🙂

      Ellespeth

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    • I’m laughing. I was aiming for 150-175 words – thinking I was doing a story for another weekly challenge I sometimes enter. It was posted quite a while before I realized….hahaha! “OMG!” I said to my husband. “I have to shave almost 30 words off my story!” Fantastic lesson in cutting out everything that isn’t absolutely necessary.

      That snail expression is something my husband says to me when I see a snail in one of my potted plants 😛

      Thanks for reading this piece, Rochelle.
      Ellespeth

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    • Whenever I tell David about a snail in our balcony garden, he says: “it’s not worth cleaning and eating”…and I wanted to honor my father and all those – in all countries – who have served in the military…and I wanted to honor the lost innocence of childhood.

      And I wanted it to be silly 😛 Thanks for passing by, doc.
      Ellespeth

      Liked by 1 person

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