A Knock On My Door – Journal Entry

age-1304716_640This morning and afternoon I sat with a friend today while she took her breast cancer chemo cocktail.  I don’t want to lie about it.  It was a little uncomfortable for me.  I want her to live. She is thinking of the worst case scenario.  I am saying to her that the worst case scenario isn’t the best so let’s think beyond death to life…I am sad.  She doesn’t seem hopeful.  I’m unable to guide her to hopeful…midway through, another friend comes to relieve me through the almost 8 hour chemo transfusion…

I come home exhausted.  You are exhausted, too.  Your daughter just had a hip bone shaving surgery.

A knock on our door comes soon.  Our elderly neighbors –  don’t laugh cuz you are 74 and I am 65…but they are her 89 and him 94…his hand is swollen but he won’t go to doctor…he’s tired…tomorrow I will make an afternoon appointment for him.  Perhaps it is his gout….  😦

I want us to live that long and for us to be fussing like they are.

I am sad.  Very sad.  Death seems to whisper messages to me…I continue…on the outside strong and carrying on.  On the inside I am afraid and very insecure.

I’ll go ahead and post this cuz it’s important to me to do so…

Until tomorrow ~

Ellespeth

3 thoughts on “A Knock On My Door – Journal Entry

  1. Death is scary because it is so unknown. I like to try and think that the afterlife is so amazingly beautiful that when I get there someday I wouldn’t want to be back in this life. I hope that is so, anyway. Like Harulawordsthatserve, be good to yourself and many blessings to you!

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