Ever since May, I am driving my best friend to her breast cancer treatments Last week, we started the every day radiation – and hopefully last – part of her treatment.
I view life in a different way these days. My friend really needs my care. She needs this time to be all about her and helping her keep going with her treatments and to encourage her. And I intend to stand by and be there for her. Her life is teaching me so much about my own. And she says mine is teaching her.
On the other hand Ive been examining my own life. I don’t have children and live far from my family of origin. There has never been anyone in my life who has really needed my care before. Nonetheless, I have taken good care of those, close to me in my life, more – I believe – than was necessary or healthy for anyone. It’s become tiring, actually. And I have decided not to do that any longer.
I don’t know how I will carry out this or exactly what I want to accomplish in order to put myself first. I just know that something will be accomplished. My friend has another month of radiation. That gives me four weeks to feel my way through this. I, along with many others, wasn’t raised to take care of myself. I’ve heard about the concept and embrace it…living it will change my life.
There are such fragile balances to work out in life. I don’t doubt I can work them out, I just hate chaos.
If you’re still here, here’s a poem I wrote about this:
My Blue Kitchen
We morph into something
someone unknown to us
and no one notices
until we are caught in the kitchen